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“Scenes from a Conference Room,” a one-act play showing thrice-daily at deafening volume adjacent to my workstation

August 7th, 2014 · No Comments · Humor, Jaded Brechtian Ennui, Words

conference_rm

SEQUOIA CONFERENCE ROOM, mid-morning.

Door opens, MEETING LEADER and ADMIN enter.
MEETING LEADER noisily drops his materials on the table and starts fiddling with the projector and POLYCOM.
MEETING LEADER: I can never get these things to work right.
ADMIN: (shrugs) Mmmhmm.
MEETING LEADER dials in to conference call.
POLYCOM (at full volume): BEEP BEEP BEEP DOOT DOOT BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
MEETING LEADER: (puzzled) Why isn’t the projector working?
ADMIN: It has to warm up.
MEETING LEADER: Oh, there it goes.
EMPLOYEE 1 barges in, slams his materials on table.
EMPLOYEE 1: Is there food? I’m starving.
ADMIN: (shrugs)
EMPLOYEE 1: Cool, there’s food. (shuffles over to food table)
EMPLOYEE 2 arrives. Barges through chairs to food table.
EMPLOYEE 1: Why don’t they get donuts anymore?
EMPLOYEE 2 (inspects food): Blueberry bagels? Who eats Blueberry Bagels? That’s just wrong. HURR HURR HURR
ADMIN: (shrugs)
MEETING LEADER: (puzzled) Why isn’t my laptop on the projector?
ADMIN connects laptop to projector.
EMPLOYEE 3 arrives, sees EMPLOYEE 2: I didn’t know YOU were coming to this meeting HURR HURR HURR
EMPLOYEE 2: Well, if I’d known YOU were coming, I would’ve skipped it. HURR HURR HURR HURR
POLYCOM: (at full volume) BEEP
MEETING LEADER: Who just joined the call?
POLYCOM: (at full volume) *click*
POLYCOM: (at full volume) BEEP
MEETING LEADER: Who just joined the call?
CALLER 1, via POLYCOM: ZZXXXPP MMMXZZZVVVP.
MEETING LEADER: Can you add ZZXXXPP MMMXZZZVVVP to the list of attendees?
ADMIN: (shrugs)
EMPLOYEE 4, EMPLOYEE 5, and EMPLOYEE 6 enter the room.
MEETING LEADER: Great, you made it. We’re still waiting for some folks to join the conference call, but let’s go ahead and get started.
Door slams shut.

(FIN)

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